May 15
May is a bad month. In the last two or three days it’s begun to feel like May, it’s unpleasant and I can’t bear it. My head is fuzzy and I can’t collect my thoughts.
Even now I have dreams I’m walking calmly. But when I have to jump over something, I don’t trust that I can.
These days I’m surprised even when the weather report’s not right.
It hurts when anything brushes against me, can’t do anything but suffer through. I’d like to float in midair and touch nothing I think, make the gravity of air and the gravity of the body the same.
This time last year I could make it into the next room if I crawled, now even turning over in the night has gotten difficult. Next May I might not be able to move.
Sokotsu’s report: I got a bad fortune from Anamori shrine, but he went ahead and swept it away.
Want to try digging up the bamboo shoots.
New green shoots in the sunlight then a sudden rain comes and is gone, clear. In the glistening green a crow flies straight through the wet leaves as if to touch them.
A note: if someone looks at this later they’ll see the writing style is inconsistent. Proof of my bad head.